Thursday, November 20, 2008

My Current Conflict

Blog land - please help me out with some advice.

Olivia, 11, is an amazing athlete. She is really, really good. So good that sometimes when I watch her play a sport I am so proud I could cry. Moms out there, you know how I feel.

Our regular soccer season just ended and kids can try out for a "Select" soccer team of kids who are skilled and want their soccer season to extend for a ridiculous amount of time - like until next June. Olivia is one of those kids. She was chosen last year for a select team and learned an incredible amount, although it was a huge time commitment both for her and our whole family.

This year, after much deliberation, she put her name in once again. It was a really hard decision since she also plays softball all year and loves that too, but she wanted to do it so we put in her application.

Last night I got the call that she had made a select team. Hooray! This is exciting news!

But there is a small problem.

The assistant coach of the team who chose her is the dad of a kid that was extremely, extremely mean all year last year to Olivia's best friend (different schools so Liv doesn't have too much contact with this girl). And the kid knows that Liv and her friend are the best of friends - and we know that because at a soccer game recently, this girl wouldn't shake hands with Olivia at the end of the game - she actually pulled her hand away when they went through in the line. It probably didn't help that this kid's team had lost and Liv had scored the only goal to beat them. Whatever.

So I just cringed when this coach called to congratulate Liv for making the team and told me who he was. And when I told Olivia she cried - hard. Her words were "I was just hoping for something better." Ugh. To have made a team of elite players and be so disappointed just kills me.

So what do I do? Get her off the team (which might be impossible)? Tell her to make the best of it? Let her quit altogether?



Jennifer said...

Poor Olivia. That just stinks.

A few years ago Shannon was having a hard time with the ballet class she was in. She'd been going to the same ballet studio for 7 years and loved her teacher very much, so she more than wanted to sign up for an 8th year. So we let her, and once ballet started back up everything changed. She did not like the class she was put into...none of the other girls would talk to her so she spent most of the class by herself while the other girls would gather in a group chatting and ignoring her. To make it worse, her ballet teacher had changed as well. Shannon said all she would do is yell at the girls saying things like "You've got to be more serious about this if you ever want to be professional dancers!" Shannon said "I know I'm not going to be a professional dancer. I just do this for fun and it's not fun anymore. It feels like work."

Michael and I gave her a choice...we said she could finish the season, do the recital and that would be it or she could drop out now before it got further into the season. She didn't want to drop out because we had put in so much money for the lessons and costumes, but we said that didn't matter to us. Her happiness and what she wanted was paramount to anything else.

In the end, she decided to drop out and it was probably the best decision. She was much happier and didn't miss it at all.

So...I think I would give Olivia the choice and tell her that no matter what she wanted to do, it would be okay. I would hate to see a child drop out of something they really loved because of one child. That isn't fair or right.

I hope that Olivia is okay and whatever she decides to do she is happy with the choice and everything is okay.

Sometimes it just sucks being a parent, doesn't it?

Lou said...

Is the mean girl on the same all star team that Liv will be on since her father is coaching?

If yes, Liv doesn't have to be the mean girl's friend just a teammate. Plenty of good teams have players that don't get along.

If no, Liv should just enjoy that her talents got her there and it is an honor for a rival coach to say, "I'd rather have her on my team than play against her."

Quitting is not an option.

Love the blogs Lisa. Enjoy Turkey Day.

Krissa said...

I think you should tell Olivia to go on the team and prove that she is a better athlete (and person!) than this other brat. She should ignore the girl and prove her skills and upbringing by being the great kid she is. Olivia would NEVER pull her hand away from a handshake.. the fact that this other little brat did just kills me. I agree, quitting is not an option here. Tell her that Auntie Kris loves her and we're all so proud that she made the team!!!!

Kevin said...

You cant remove her from the team, ( I doubt she would even want that) Like the 1956 Yankees, they were a great team , but all hated each other , they would say after the game it would take 26 cabs to get them back to the hotel. like anything in the world you dont have to like someone to be apart of Something school, work, sports etc etc, she just learns it at an earlier age.

Kevin said...

Lets talk about her mom is conflicted with shopping for food, the price of Gas and getting Botox hahahaha